We have been in the process of putting together an e-book for lo these many months and what we have mainly achieved is a how-to guide for NOT writing an e-book. Therefore, as a public service and as a guideline for other budding e-book authors, we offer this step-by-step manual and handy guide to non-production.

The first thing you will need is something you must already have to even be reading these words, namely an electronic paperweight. These are also known in socially incorrect circles as computers. However, since it is the common term, we use it here.

The next thing to consider is that not just any computer will do. Some exist, so we are told, that would make it easy for the user to actually write an e-book with ease and minimal effort. For maximum frustration, you want a computer that has an unstable operating system.

This system should be one sufficiently “buggy” that if it were a restaurant kitchen, it and the entire building would receive an immediate order for demolition from even the most unscrupulous Health Department inspector. Fortunately, we have just such a system. It has all the stability of aged and sweaty dynamite and just loves to pop up the message “FATAL ERROR.” More frequently it simply freezes. This is due to another important component called RAM.

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